I'm not about to dive into a wine cellar or anything drastic like that but alcohol is much more prominent on my radar at present and I'm regularly reminding myself that whatever I'm feeling that's not quite right, will not be helped by drinking wine.
Wine will provide a short period of standstill before I must re address those same feelings, the difficulty now compounded by a hangover.
So I'm not going there.
While sitting with the feelings I'm considering where they have come from and as usual there is never one simple answer.
My list includes
1. The back to earth bump of returning to work this week. A full inbox and a couple of annoying hassles.
2. Caroline Knapp's book: the majority of it recounted her love of alcohol and the joy drinking brought her. Much less of the book addressed the tipping point into negativity and beyond in recovery. I found it 'triggering' in that it was so well written I really knew what she meant and wanted to feel that way again. You know, the way it feels good before it feels bad.
3. Dieting. It is going well and I've lost 10 lbs so far in 7 weeks. I'm really pleased and my clothes fit much better but I'm also feeling a loss of comforts. No tea and biscuits, cake or any other form of comfort eating. I've spent a lot of money at the shops and find the high from that just as temporary as from a kitkat. I can't be bothered to exercise.
So I'm doing my usual fail safe tricks: reading sober blogs, interacting on sober sites, supporting others and finding strength for them which reminds me of all the benefits I know already that I should be grateful for and not take for granted. I remind myself that me and my family have no ill health. Thigs could be a lot worse.
And I wait. Treading water for the good times to come back.
Solving one problem in your life does not make the rest of it an eternal rose garden. The bumps still come so best to get comfy for the duration of the ride.
Sorry so gloomy peeps.