I was on holiday last week and realised that 2 1/2 years into sobriety my habits and expectations have finally changed deep down. In fact I'm daring to wonder if this means my hard-wiring has changed!
Out at dinner one night I realised how far alcohol was from my mind when my OH ordered a beer, unusually, and this brought it to my attention. I had ordered my usual sparkling water and as I contemplated alcohol again and the lack of it in my life, I really could no longer see the attraction and felt an overwhelming feeling of 'What's the point?' because it changes absolutely nothing.
You see, I used to drink to make me feel glamorous and carefree and to make my evening exciting. This night I saw clearly that no matter what or how much I drank, I would still be out with my OH and the kids and I would still be going home to bed in the near future and that was the extent of it. Little excitement either way.
So what would be the point? Life is not changed by booze, certainly not for the better. Such a simple point but one that took me years to realise! I feel as if I've had a sudden moment of clarity. How could I have been so blind?