I'm still here. Thank you for all your lovely comments and emails- I've not replied to every one of them yet but I will get there! I've also deleted all the spammers who have been 'commenting' on posts.
At the end of the month I'm 3 years sober and finding it still a mixed bag: albeit 99% good, there is still, still, a feeling of loss at times. It is brought into focus by certain things and last weekend it was watching the documentary about the life and demise of Amy Winehouse, UK jazz singer, through alcohol and drugs. She died in 2011 from an acute overdose of alcohol.
In 2008, when clean sober and dry, she won a Grammy for best single with Rehab and her reaction was remarkable
However, after the cameras moved onto the next item, her documentary cameras continued to roll as she beckoned to her best friend to join her on stage, before both quickly disappeared back stage.
What did she say to her best friend at this defining moment in her life?
'This is all so shit without drugs'
I can relate to this. Periodically I feel the ennui of a stable boring life and long, usually just for a moment, to get absolutely drunk, talk rubbish, feel excited, dance, go wild and wonder where the evening will take me. Even the thought of the hangover the next day is not sufficient to dampen the want completely.
So, doing well, but not cured, not by any means.